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Love And Resentment

To be in love, is to accept each other as you are. Love does not demand changes. Love means that your partner accepts you as you are and vice versa. Does love demand change? Let us discuss this. You love wearing casual clothes at all times. He/she would like you to wear formal clothes, because he/she thinks you look better in them. What should you do? Should you tell your partner, that you do not like formals. Why does he/she want you to wear them as you feel uncomfortable? Your partner may respond that he/she likes you in formals, can’t you wear them for his/her sake?

What do you think with such a relationship? Who should give in and how many times? Or both should give in alternatively? One who agrees to give in may resent it. Does that enhance love? If he/she does not give in, the other will resent it? What is the way out?

Resentment develops when your desires are not met, or when you are forced to act against your desire. If you wish to change a habit of your lover, do it very gently and slowly. Don’t insist on it. Do something what he/she likes and ask the change as a reward. Keep on doing something to keep your partner happy and take your reward once a while. Don’t make it look quid pro quo. That will again create suspicion.

In the early phase of romantic love, partners are happy sacrificing their comfort and desires. Their primary goal is to make their partner happy. But at the later stages, when they slowly realize that they have already sacrificed a lot and are being asked to do more, resentment develops. In a healthy relationship, partners should accept each other as they are. There should be no demands for change. If a change is demanded, it should not disturb the equilibrium of relationship. Otherwise resentment will overtake your love and you will be left only with the memories of love and bitterness.

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